Idiot Boyfriend: Prelude

I walk out of the elevator and towards my apartment. As the bass of my favorite Janet Jackson song “Would you mind” fades out, I thought I heard moans I heard on the track before. Then I realize it’s not the song.  Through my headphones, I can hear moaning nearby.  As I take off my headphones, I look towards my neighbor’s door. “Is Carol finally getting some? It’s about time” I begin to tell myself. I mean it was “hump day”. Being nosey, I slowed down to listen in but the closer I got to her door, I realize it’s not coming from Carol’s apartment. “Wait? Where is that coming from?” 

​I turn around towards my apartment. Is that coming from my place? “AH Hell NO!” I ran towards my apartment door and searched for my keys in my purse. Getting frustrated, I just started grabbing things out of my bag to find space where my keys could be hidden. I finally find the keys and burst through my apartment door to find the last thing I needed to see; my boyfriend Bobby on the couch naked with another woman on top of him covered in cat make up with a camera positioned on a tripod sitting across from them.

​“What the hell Bobby?” I screamed as I stood at the door irritated at the sight before my eyes. “Ginger! It’s not what it looks like!” Bobby responds as he looks over to the girl on top of him and tosses her to the side. “Na, baby” he points to the camera sitting across from them. “This a prank! See the camera? You’re on YouTube!” He jumps up in excitement. “Ha-ha! You’ve been pranked! I got you good baby. You should’ve seen your face!”

​​Bobby’s mystery woman sits up off the floor. “Oh, I must be getting punked too!” she says casually. Bobby turns to her. “Why would you say that?” he tries to ask her quietly.
“Really Bobby?  I’m standing right here!” I impatiently told him as I folded my arms, waiting on his response. The mystery woman stands up, proudly showing off her summer ready body. “I’m so sorry, I’m being rude,” she tells me as she walks up to me nonchalant letting it all hang out, like she’s not naked in my living room. “I’m Justine!” she introduces herself as she reaches her hand out to me. Bobby slaps it.

“You’re doing too much!” he screams “What’s the matter with you?”          

“Well, this is her apartment, might as well let her know who’s in here.” Justine responds.

“You’re not even supposed to be in here!” Bobby painfully remarks.

“Exactly!” I screamed growing impatient. “So, can someone explain to me what’s going on or ya’ll gonna keep talking to each other like I’m not here?”

“I’m trying to explain to you if you would let me talk!” Bobby stalls as he takes a deep breath.

I stand there with my arms folded. “I got the time today. Ok let’s hear it.” I said to him.

“The reason she is here is...” he slowly begins to say “because she’s a present to us! She’s a professional dancer!”

“Dancer?... Ok… then why is she naked on top of you?”

“She’s an Exotic Dancer and she was warming up for you!” he responds with a straight face. The nerve of this man!

“Exotic huh?... Warming up?... Ok”

I point to Bobby. “But why are you naked?” I then point to the camera, “and why is there a camera recording?”

I feel someone coming up behind me. I jump back and see a man I’ve never seen before also in cat make up and fake cat ears coming out the bathroom.

“I’m ready!” he screams gleefully with both arms in the air, loud and proud! I look over at the man as he stands there lost and confused.

I couldn’t register what was going on right in front of me. “What the fuck Bobby?” I screamed as I begin to lose my cool.

“Hey, I thought this was a three way... I mean if she wants to join it’s cool but she needs to put on the cat costume or I can’t get into it”

​I felt my neck turned around 360 degrees like I was starring in “The Exorcist”. I guess I didn’t have the time today.