I found myself sitting at a table inside a restaurant’s basement in front of the kitchen. Sitting across from me was Jimmy. 5’9 and kinda fine. He wasn’t ugly but you could tell he didn’t take care of himself. His hair wasn’t combed, his V neck was wrinkled and his purple lips indicated to me that he was a smoker but one thing I knew from the minute I met him, he was very genuine. “Hey, I’m sorry if this really isn’t ideal” Jimmy tells me as he looks around the basement in his seat “Coupon says I was getting a $92 value but I forgot to make a reservation and this is the best they can do on short notice”.
“No, it’s alright. The food is great” I responded politely. At that moment, a waiter bursts out the kitchen, bumping right into my left shoulder.
“My bad” the waiter tells me as I rub my shoulder. This definitely was not alright. “Um, how much did you end up paying?” I asked Jimmy while wondering if I’m going to have to put an ice pack on my shoulder later. “Like $27” he responds. For a $92 meal? That’s not bad. “Too bad you didn’t reserve it on a better day to sit upstairs” I tell him while I continued to chew my food. I didn’t have food like this at home. I could hardly get the words out when speaking because I was too busy shoving food down my throat! I now understood the hype around soul food! I was so busy stuffing my face, I didn’t even realize I faded Jimmy voice out and barley heard a thing he was trying to tell me.
“…I was supposed to come here with my ex. Well ... I don’t even know if I can call her that...” he continued rambling “Technically we were just dating. No titles. We were dating for over a year but she had a problem making up her mind if she wanted to be in a relationship with me”. I looked up realizing he may want a response or reaction from me.“Oh… sounds complicated”. That seemed to buy me time. “Yeah, I got tired of waiting for her to show me the affection I’ve been giving her, everything felt one sided so we called it quits” he explained. “Oh, that sucks” I reply. “Eh, not really” he says smiling “Finally had the time to focus on myself for a change. I was trying to make a perfect situation with someone when I didn’t even have my life together on my own to begin with”. Wow. This guy is pretty deep. “That makes sense” I agreed “So, you’re making changes that you couldn’t make before?” “Yeah, I used to spend a lot of time and money on her but now I’m focus on myself” he tells me “Getting ready to fix my truck... there’s nothing wrong with it, just need to fix a few things...I also have an online business and working on moving out of my apartment, tired of my roommates... what about you? Any moves you’re trying to make in life?”
I hate when guys ask me what I do or what are my goals in life. Most of the time they are just trying to figure out what angle they need to come at me so they can sleep with me. There’s no way he can care about what I have to say or what’s on my mind, he just cares about what’s between my legs… but I can’t resist a moment to talk about myself.
“Yeah, I’m a store clerk at a spot called Kinky Candy. We sell women’s lingerie, shape wear, sex toys and other adult novelty items but I want to get my real estate license and be able to start fixing and flipping property”. “That’s dope” he responds casually. I’m sure it went through one ear and out the other. “My grandfather taught me how to do it playing monopoly as a kid” I express to him as I continued to eat my food, “The goal is to get four green houses to get that big red hotel. Get enough residential properties that I can rent out and use the money to maybe become a Marriott franchisee or something, have my own hotel. I’m actually trying to find a limited-edition version of the game I use to play with him”.
“I never played Monopoly but I did play cashflow” he states, “Ever heard of Rich Dad, Poor Dad? I can’t vouch for his book on real estate or investing but he got great info on financial education and building wealth through passive income. I play that game religiously”.
I was shocked. Nothing about him said “entrepreneur”, he definitely doesn’t look like the men I’ve been meeting at business conferences, expos and seminars. He was…different. “Oh! You didn’t strike me as a guy who would care about financial independence” I clarified. “Oh yeah! It’s bigger than me” he retorted, “I’m trying to create a legacy. Like Dame Dash said on the breakfast club, I do this for my last name. I want to make sure my kids don’t have to have a boss, that they can be their own boss. Instead of being on the streets like I did when I was younger with my friends, getting in trouble... that they will use their time and money better. Practice group economics and make difference in our community”. “Oh, you have children?” He laughs. “Oh no, I’m speaking about my future children. The one that will continue the family name. I’m all about building a family empire. Being wealthy is the goal”. At that moment, I kinda started to feel turned on by Jimmy. I didn’t realize he was such a go getter, an intellectual or had any ambition in general. I started to get lost into his sweet brown eyes when the waiter walks up to us and hands Jimmy the bill. Jimmy looks at the bill confused and looks back at the waiter as if he made a mistake.
“What’s this?” He asks. “The bill” the waiter responds. “Oh, but I prepaid online!”
“That was for the meal sir. That doesn’t include tax and gratuity”. The waiter walks away as Jimmy sighs and looks at the bill. “Well, isn’t this embarrassing…” “What’s wrong?” I asked, fearing his response. “I left my wallet at home” he replies. Of course, he did! Mr. “I’m building an empire, I’m all about legacy” forgot his wallet at home! I should’ve known this was too good to be true. “Wow, you’re lucky you are cool Jimmy” I tell him as I begin searching through my purse “How much is it?” “$25 tax, another $15 for tip. So, $40.” $40 DOLLARS TO SIT IN THE GOT DAMN BASEMENT?!?! “They can kiss my whole entire ass!” I conveyed to him as I put the money on the table, “I’ll put the $25 for the tax but that waiter can eat a dick if he thinks I’m going to give him a tip!” The waiter’s lucky I don’t sue him for this bruised shoulder! I was so upset, I stormed out without even saying goodbye to Jimmy. Before I knew it, I was already at my car, slamming the door and sitting in frustration. My phone goes off. I thought it would be Jimmy calling me but it was a text from Ashley. I called her immediately.
“Hey girl. How’s dinner going?”
“Horrible!” I shouted. “Why? What happened now?” “I get to the restaurant and it’s really nice but why is our table is in the basement next to the god damn kitchen?” “Nah! No Way!” “Yes. Almost got into it with one of the waiters for bumping me like a linebacker”. “No, they didn’t?!?” “Yes they did and then had the nerve to try and get a tip! I was about to give them the tip of my heel. They got the right one tonight!” “They didn’t know who they were messing with... So, how was he? Did you see any potential growth?”. “You mean Mr. I forgot my wallet? I ended up paying for tax, I left the restaurant and that’s the end of that”. “Oh... So, you got that stack?” “That’s not fair. It was a terrible date”. “Yeah but was he terrible or the situation?” I sat there and thought about it. As always, she was right but I didn’t want to admit it. “Well he wasn’t the worst and I can tell he has ambition” I ended up thinking out loud. “See he wasn’t that bad. You should give him another chance... or you could give me that stack!”. Ugh. Why Me?!?! “I don’t want to” I told her, “He doesn’t deserve another chance. He probably forgot his wallet on purpose”. “You’re just making excuses” she tells me, “But cool. How about this? I get if you don’t think he deserves another chance but if he tries to make it up to you in the next 24 hours, you have to let him. Cause that would be a redeeming quality. Don’t you think?” “Yeah but after that type of date he isn’t ever going to call me again.” “Oh my God. You’re really going to die alone!” she squealed. “No I’m not”. “You right... You’ll have 9 cats with you when you go”. “Don’t say that. I’m going to find someone who’s right for me”. “Not the direction you are going in. All I see is bibles and kitty litter in your future. Jesus is going to be the only name you holler after midnight”. “Ight, I got to go Miss Cleo. I’m going to get you a crystal ball for your birthday”. “Well when you ready to take my advice and keep a man, call me now!” she tells me in a bad Jamaican accent. “Bye girl” I tell her as I ended the call. I sat there and thought about it for a minute. I don’t even have a thousand dollars to give her.
Across the street, I see an elderly woman walking alone. Looking at her makes me think of what Ashley said what was in store for my future. Was she right about this? He said no strings attached and I ended up paying. He didn’t even chase me out the restaurant. Son of a bitch got a free meal!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!I jumped in my seat as someone begin banging on my hood out of nowhere. “What the fuck?” Jimmy put his hands up. “Hey! Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you. You ran out so fast I didn’t have a chance to catch up...I got your change”. I found myself rolling my eyes as I roll down my window half way. “Gee, thanks” I acknowledged him as I took the change. Half of the change fall out of his hands and spreads everywhere in my car. “Oops, Sorry...” Lord, why me? “It’s fine” I told him. “Look, I know I said tonight would be a free meal and I didn’t live up to that. I’m sorry. If you’re not busy tomorrow, maybe you can stop by my place. I’ll give you back the money!” “You can’t chase quick pay, PayPal or cash app it?” I asked him looking to find a way out of this. “Na” he quickly responds. “Not even Venmo?” “Na, I have the money in cash. Plus, this will give me a chance to show you how I make money online”. I can see now he wasn’t taking no for an answer. “Yeah, sure. Text me” I told him as I rolled up the window. Jimmy’s head goes up with the window until it reaches the top. He smiles and waves as I pull out of the parking lot.
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Six month later, I’m home alone on a Thursday night. Single, horny and bored. Laying my head on my pillow, I looked up at my phone searching through social media for an escape as I FaceTime my best friend Ashely on my laptop. “Men ain’t shit.” I continue to tell her.
“You don’t even give men a chance!” she responds. “Every time I give them a chance, they prove they are shit.” “It’s been 6 months since Bobby, you got to get back out there.” Oh, but I have. I been on countless dates. Mostly guys who slides in my DMs. Recently I met with a personal trainer I met on Instagram. We met up in central park. He seemed pretty normal. He was handsome, well-built and had a smile that could melt the sun.
The only thing he wasn’t really good at was keeping a conversation. He had a lot to say when he was texting me but as we sat on a nearby bench and sip coffee, he seemed like he had nothing to say at all.
“It’s a beautiful day today, isn’t it?” he asked me as if we weren’t sitting together for the last 15 minutes. Come on bruh! Come up with something a little more original! “Yeah, it’s pretty nice out here” I respond. He takes a sip of his coffee and begins to become extremely animated once he senses I was getting bored of him. “YOU DAMN RIGHT ITS NICE!” He blares out “It’s an extremely beautiful day! You got to live life to the fullest even when you’re just sitting down!” “I guess you are right. We should enjoy life as much as possible”
I had looked away seeing children being chased by ducks, wondering where their guardians were when I turned back to see him doing triceps dips on the bench.
“First rule to living life to the fullest is keep your heart rate high at all time” he grunts “Easiest way to do that is with quicks calisthenics!” “That’s really good. You stay in great shape that way!” I retort hoping my encouragement would conceal my disgust for his “Macho Man/Beef Cake” attitude. “Yeah, it’s the only way to live!” he says as he hops up and grabs two bottles. “All I drink is these smoothies. Here! I brought one for you.” I take the smoothie and begin to examine it. If the media can persuade me to believe America’s favorite TV dad was slipping pills in girl’s drinks, I can’t take any chances. It seemed pretty harmless, so I took a sip.
“Hmmm... that’s pretty tasty” I tried to articulate to him as I continue drinking it. “What’s in it?”
“Some fruits, vegetables” ... “Wow! All natural might be the way to go” I respond accidentally cutting him off. I had to hold my stomach as it begins to growl. Something wasn’t right. “Are you ok?” “No! What else is in that smoothie?” “Nothing Just Fruits and Vegetables.” He takes his smoothie and chugs it. His face becomes emotionless as he stares at the bottle. “What’s wrong?” I ask him. “That one is mine. It has laxative in it!” Without hesitation, I begin running away. I must have been on the toilet for 2 hours that night. Since then I’ve stopped searching for dates on social media. I did try dating the guys I’ve worked with or thought I could of did work with. There was this photographer who started working at the event hall/photography studio I used to work at.
It was cool at first. We would hang out after hours, I would help him practice, testing out different lenses as I stroked different poses for him.
“You’re gorgeous!” he tells me as he takes my photos. He comes over to me and sits beside me to show me the photos. He turns to me and I back look at him. Before I knew it, we begin to kiss. Just at that moment, I heard high heels stepping into the studio. “RICHIE!!! AGAIN!!??” We both jump up. “Who is Richie?” I thought to myself. “I thought your name was Raul?” I questioned. “Who the fuck is Raul?” the woman inquires, looking at me for answers. That dude was like the modelizer in the first season of “Sex in the city”. You know, the womanizers who only date models? I was starting to get tired of these New York City men. I even tried talking the guys who have the courage to walk up to me on the street and ask me out.
The other day, I found myself talking to a gentleman and we had trade numbers and smiles. He told me “I’ll def be in touch” and to be honest, I couldn’t wait for him to reach out to me. “I’ll be waiting” I told him as we walked the opposite direction. I felt good about the chance encounter. I couldn’t stop smiling...that was until my phone went off. I looked at screen of my smartphone and saw it was the guy I literally just met.
“Got nudes?” he texts me. My smile fades and I sucked my teeth. Another one bites the dust. “Girl, I’m tired of the games” I tell my best friend Ashley over facetime. I don’t need a man. I got me, myself and I. I can have a fulfilling life with a career and adopt kids if I have to, what do I need a man for?” “You don’t want a man holding you, keeping you warm at night?” Ashely pleads. The thought of it makes me laugh. “I think they got sex dolls for that now” I responded. “Sex dolls can’t hold you tight at night without you programming it...I think...and if they can...that’s creepy”. “I’m just saying Men are a distraction right now. I’m trying to get my finance in order so I can get my real estate license, start selling enough homes until I have enough to flip them on my own.” “I hear you girl but Tyrone and I are going on a cruise next summer and I want you to come but not as no third wheel. Double date on the Caribbean seas you feel me?” “Girl, I just don’t see that happening. The coins and the man ain’t there.” I tell her as I look over to my desk to see unpaid bills and credit card debt in two piles. One that says paid. The other says past due. The paid pile is empty compared to the past due. “Are you even looking?” “I’m looking at a dating app as we speak!” “And you see no one you like?” “They all look like bums or fuck boys...” I said speaking too soon. I come across a profile that catches my eye and sit up. “Oh, hold up wait a minute. I think I might have a contender”.
“Details! Details!” Ashley shrieks “Don’t horde the info!”.
“His name is Oshea...6’4. Works for an online media company, Drive a BMW. Lives in Williamsburg. In shape. 6 pack abs. No kids. Looking at his pictures, he seems to travel a lot too”. “Girl, what are you waiting for?” “I ain’t waiting. Swipe right!” As I swiped right, another profile comes up and I see these words written in caps that immediately gets my attention. FREE FOOD. NO STRINGS ATTACHED. “What the...?” I begin questioning the profile. “What’s up?” Ashely asks me, trying to see what I’m looking at through her computer screen. “There’s this guy offering free food, no strings attached. His name is Jimmy” Ugh, he already sounded like a loser. “That’s random” Ashely replies. I continued to read the description on his profile. “Says he prepaid for a dinner for two on one of those groupon/living social site and lost his date and don’t have the appetite to eat both meals on his own.” I laughed. At least he was funny.
“Is he cute?”
“Yeah he’s cute...Not much info about him though”. I continued to swipe through his pictures. I couldn’t tell much about him based on his profile description and his photo album was filled with pictures of him playing games, reading books and dancing. “All I can see is that he plays games, read books and dances a lot”. “Sounds like he could be fun.” Ashley responded. “He looks like he’s broke. Probably why he is paying for discount dates online.” “Oh, come on! You already calling it quit and you haven’t even met him.” I hate when Ashely is right. “If I meet a guy worth growing with, I won’t call it quits.” I tell her. “I bet you call it quits within hours!” she retorts. “How much you want to bet?” “I bet you a stack you’ll find a reason to quit seeing a guy within 30 days”. “Oh, you that confident that you can put a stack up? You got a bet! Now to find a guy to grow with”. “What about the guy you’re looking at now? What restaurant did he pre-pay for? I bet it’s somewhere nice” “It’s some soul food spot. Looks nice”. “Take him up on that offer”. I thought about it for a while. I wanted to back out of the bet before I shot myself in the foot but who could pass up a thousand dollars? I really needed the money... and all I got to do is deal with a guy for 30 days? We’re not even talking sex or kissing but just dating a guy. It’s a win-win situation. “Alright. Fuck it. Why not?” I tell her, finally submitting myself to her plans. “It’s just one night. If I can see it grow, I’ll continue seeing him. If not, oh well. Free food. How bad can it be?” I spoked too soon. |
AuthorHere's an original story written by myself. Archives |